the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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