Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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