can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
