now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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