Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
