omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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