Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
