My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
