Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
