i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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