just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if only i could text you this smell
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
