I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
