im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
