I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
