need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
