There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
