Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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