she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I cut my penus on the lid.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
