Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
