CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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