I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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