Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I smell stomach acid.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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