He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
