drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
