need another drink. this is the easiest way
Michael Bay diarrhea
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
