Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
