After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
