break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
