so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
