She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
