So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
