Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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