it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
