mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
