im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
