Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I am in a vortex of obligation.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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