If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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