today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
