I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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