Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We left the knife in your bed.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
