youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
