honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
