i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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