I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
