you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
