I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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