were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
