So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
