I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
