How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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