I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sext me about skeletons
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
