my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Randomize
