sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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