i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
