I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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