Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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