I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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