Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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