I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
